Never thought I'd be....

and so I struggle sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I thought I'd get married, and thought I'd have kids, but I always imagined my life to be so different than this!! I have always loved children. I just thought I would be a working mom. In the city. My children in daycare and at school. I imagined easy money and living the high life. I imagined nights out on the town with friends, having lots of hobbies apart from my family. I never pictured God having any impact on my life.

And so reality is... God impacts every aspect of my life.  I married a man (truthfully we were barely out of our teens) whose values were more important to me than his bankbook. He is hardworking, honest and lives apart from the pressures of society. He keeps me grounded.

Five years ago, we moved with our baby from the city to the farm. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I left my community, my church, my identity and the job I would have loved to return to after I was done maternity leave. And then in the next 3 years we had 2 more kids... I had 3 boys in 3.5 years. At the time it seemed like a great idea. Now that my youngest is 2 I am questioning my sanity.

And now, 5 years after moving to the farm, to this life I never thought I would have- I would say that I am coming to terms with things. I have made decisions that are radically changing the landscape of our life. I am homeschooling my children. I am pursuing a homemaker lifestyle- that of gardening, preserving, freezing and homemade things. My hobbies are mostly in the home and are creative- scrapbooking, card making, sewing, cooking.

I am striving to be a servant- to my husband and children, my friends, my Lord. Especially in this crazy seeding season, I can get frustrated and feel like I am sentenced to be a slave to my family forever, but in reality, I should be looking for opportunities to be serving those blessings that God has given me. This is SO not easy for me... I am fiesty and selfish. I can be lazy and unmotived. I have a temper and am loud. This is not the life I expected, but I am getting used to it, and learning every day how to live in His strength.