pleasing and serving? different or the same?

I would love your input, thoughts and feedback on this one...

I was thinking yesterday about how rewarding it has been to encourage others (thanks for your comments and emails!) and I love the feeling of making people happy. It makes me all warm and fuzzy to have done something good for someone else. ya, ya, you all  feel the same way. There is a slight addiction, I want to do more good, to feed my ego.

That's one side of the coin. Another part of me is this stubborn, stong willed person who does not want to do things just to please others. I do not want to lay down on the road and allow people to walk all over me. I do not want to say things just to make people happy. I do not want to compromise who I am to make life easier for someone else. I do not want to conform to this image that others might have of me as a farm wife, mother, and homeschooler.

Gulp. This is something I struggle with, obviously. And it reaches into my marriage (hubby would admit that I am a strong willed individual!) and into my parenting (I think that at least 2 of my kids are strong willed as well, and though they are young, we already have some great power struggles)!

So when I think about serving my family, in my mind I would love to be that quiet peaceful wife willing to do whatever it took to make my family happy. I know some of these unselfish ladies who serve with ease, and who do not seem to mind. I admire them. I marvel at them. But when I get into that "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, honey" mood, I don't make it through the day without feeling resentful and just grumpy. That's not who I am. Is that what God wants me to be?

In adjusting to this life as a farmers wife, I have had a few people tell me to 'just get used to it, this is how life on the farm is,' and that didn't sit well with me. I am too fiestly to "just get used to" to anything that I do not like. There has to be a better way, a compromise of some sort? I don't know what it is yet.

A little off topic, but the quote "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result" just popped into my mind. It must apply to this somehow???

Anyways, my question is, how do I learn to serve, without compromising myself? How do I serve my husband and my kids without feeling resentful and grumpy? I know that it has to come from the Lord's filling me with love for them, for others, for myself. I know that I do not always have to be all happy go lucky about serving- it is not always joyful, but to persevere in it anyways. I know that as I serve others, I want to serve more. I know that I am uniquely made and gifted, and that the ways I serve my husband will not be the same as anyone else. I know that I will have to overcome my selfishness sometimes. Get off my diva platform and think of others.

This will be a journey- we have been married for 8.5 years already and I struggle with this maybe more now than I did in the beginning. My oldest child is turning 6 this summer and I am out of the baby stage now, and serving starts looking different than it has up to now.

I know that God is using my marriage and my motherhood to shape me into who He wants me to be, and I must submit to His molding and be willing to surrender to Him even if I don't want to.

What do you think? How do you maintain your sense of self in the midst of being a servant to your family? How have you learned to serve and not just please others? Please, I would LOVE to hear what you have to say.