is it ever enough?

I don't often give into the pressures of society telling me that my children should be doing such and such a thing... but when I am doing aligned homeschooling this year, I am feeling some weight on my shoulders.

My facilitator assures me that my gr.1 student is achieving or exceeding grade level in all areas right now.

But sometimes when I am working with him on reading or math, or when said facilitator sends me an email with strategies and suggestions, I get all panicky.  I wonder if I am doing enough grammar, spelling, or if he has a big enough sight word vocabulary? Am I reading enough to them? Do they know how to choose a good book? Is his writing good enough? Have I taught him story structure? Does he know how to plan a story? Does he know a variety of writing formats? He doesn't have his math facts memorized? He isn't doing enough mental math!!! He still writes his numbers backwards sometimes!!!

I talk to other parents who have chosen to have their children in music or piano, gymnastics, skiing, indoor soccer, dance and drama and I wonder if my child going to be screwed up for life because he has not had the chance to experience that!!?

I am not sure if these feeling are stronger because we have chosen to homeschool for now and everyone tells me that my children are missing out on all these opportunities. People always talk about how homeschool kids are weird.... and I am sensitive to that, and want to make sure my kids do not fit that mold. I want them to have opportunities to experience things, and to try their hands at different sports, social groups, activities, skills and explore a variety of interests.


When I get panicky about such things and feel like I am not doing enough, that I am not enough... I remember that I have years to mold and teach these kids- it does not all need to happen today. I step back and gain perspective. A long term perspective allows me to see that when I look back at my education, I do not remember 3/4 of what I learned in school and that I don't remember much of grammar- but I am a well balanced adult. I see that my oldest is 6 and if he wants to pursue music (or anything else for that matter) one day when he is older, he will be able to do so, and he will be able to make up anything lost in this time when he has been busy being a child.

I step back even further and try to gain a heavenly perspective and realize that my goal as a parent is much larger than "educating" and "socializing" my boys. God's call to me as a parent is to raise a disciple and though I believe He wants me to train my boys to read and write and be well educated, more than anything He wants me to train their hearts to love Him. And by allowing my boys time to be home with me more I am hoping to have more time for those teachable moments, and to train them up in the way He would have them go. And this heavenly perspective calms my beating heart. It brings me back to my calling and forces the pressures of the world away. It is a HUGE calling, and I know I can't do it alone, but I know that I am parterning with the Creator of the Universe (and my husband and our community) in this goal and having a team mate with the kind of power that He has, allows me to have confidence.

I am thankful that though I will never be enough, and that there will always be another opportunity around the corner, that HE is enough for all of us.