winter tired

We have had a really mild winter weather wise. But there has been quite the storm going through my spirit and soul these past few weeks.

 

I know why too.

This fall and early winter were seasons of growth and triumph for me. I was feeling confident and secure about my life. I have a pretty great life after all.  And last month I felt like God was really using me in a few areas and a few peoples lives. I had some awesome opportunities to share with others about my experiences and things I have learned and am learning. One area I had been able to talk to others about was homeschooling. Now I am not one of those,    "Homeschooling is the ONLY choice for Christian mothers," kind of people- but there have been a few people who have been chatting with me about whether this path would be a good choice for their family.  Another area was in regards to parenting. I have never claimed to have any answers- but this is a topic that interests me (I live it 24/7!!) and if someone asks me a question I will answer it. So I had felt like God has used me through a few conversations, and this excites me...

And then the storm blew in.

I do believe it is in direct correlation to my opening myself up to sharing about God with others, and how He's leading me in areas of my life. But these past few weeks have been difficult. I have been fighting my kids. Fighting my role as a mother, homemaker, and homeschooler. There have been many internal and external battles taking place.

I have been questioning if I should continue homeschooling- battling my doubts and wondering if I have been doing a my kids harm by keeping them home. I have been looking at the worlds standards of excellence and wondering if my kids are achieving high enough. I have been looking at all the awesome things other people do with their families and feeling so inadequate and insecure. I have been watching my 3 year old push and push some more and yell and run away from me and sat in a puddle wondering what I am supposed to do with this child and feel like I have failed him already. I look around at my mess of a house and think I am the worst homemaker. I know I sound so pitiful, miserable and totally lame.

This is the battle I have been fighting. This is NOT me... these are the words and thoughts of the evil one who wants to put a stop to all the good things I have been doing. Satan wants to fill my mind with doubts and lies. He wants to confuse and cause pain. I know these things.

I have found a few things really helpful as I am digging myself out of the debris left from this storm. God says in Romans 12 "not to conform any longer to the patterns of this world!" and I have been taught that a woman who loves the Lord does not measure her worth on things that are seen in this world.

I have been reading "One Thousand Gifts" and today something interesting spoke to me---

"Feel thanks and its absolutely impossible to feel angry. We can only experience one emotion at a time. And we get to choose--- which emotion do we want to feel? The only way to fight a feeling is with a feeling." pg 136

And then today, as I had resolved to clean up the mess this storm has left behind, God delivers me a gift. Somehow I stumbled upon a new (to me) blog (biblicalhomemaking).

 This was like God speaking to me that I am not alone, and that this journey is not meant to be taken alone. Reading the words on Mandy's blog was like hearing myself speak, and I am refreshed. Spending some time on Mandy's blog today was like having coffee with my bestie- so live giving and encouraging. Specifically her posts about complaining!!! Check it out and I hope that it encourages you.

If you are hearing lies from the evil one, talk to someone about your feelings and frustrations. Pray against the lies and read God's Word. God speaks about using His Word to deflect the arrows of the evil one, and there is such power in that truth. And it's true also, the more good you are doing for His Kingdom, the more that satan wants to hurt you. But OUR GOD IS GREATER