is it ever enough?

I don't often give into the pressures of society telling me that my children should be doing such and such a thing... but when I am doing aligned homeschooling this year, I am feeling some weight on my shoulders.

My facilitator assures me that my gr.1 student is achieving or exceeding grade level in all areas right now.

But sometimes when I am working with him on reading or math, or when said facilitator sends me an email with strategies and suggestions, I get all panicky.  I wonder if I am doing enough grammar, spelling, or if he has a big enough sight word vocabulary? Am I reading enough to them? Do they know how to choose a good book? Is his writing good enough? Have I taught him story structure? Does he know how to plan a story? Does he know a variety of writing formats? He doesn't have his math facts memorized? He isn't doing enough mental math!!! He still writes his numbers backwards sometimes!!!

I talk to other parents who have chosen to have their children in music or piano, gymnastics, skiing, indoor soccer, dance and drama and I wonder if my child going to be screwed up for life because he has not had the chance to experience that!!?

I am not sure if these feeling are stronger because we have chosen to homeschool for now and everyone tells me that my children are missing out on all these opportunities. People always talk about how homeschool kids are weird.... and I am sensitive to that, and want to make sure my kids do not fit that mold. I want them to have opportunities to experience things, and to try their hands at different sports, social groups, activities, skills and explore a variety of interests.


When I get panicky about such things and feel like I am not doing enough, that I am not enough... I remember that I have years to mold and teach these kids- it does not all need to happen today. I step back and gain perspective. A long term perspective allows me to see that when I look back at my education, I do not remember 3/4 of what I learned in school and that I don't remember much of grammar- but I am a well balanced adult. I see that my oldest is 6 and if he wants to pursue music (or anything else for that matter) one day when he is older, he will be able to do so, and he will be able to make up anything lost in this time when he has been busy being a child.

I step back even further and try to gain a heavenly perspective and realize that my goal as a parent is much larger than "educating" and "socializing" my boys. God's call to me as a parent is to raise a disciple and though I believe He wants me to train my boys to read and write and be well educated, more than anything He wants me to train their hearts to love Him. And by allowing my boys time to be home with me more I am hoping to have more time for those teachable moments, and to train them up in the way He would have them go. And this heavenly perspective calms my beating heart. It brings me back to my calling and forces the pressures of the world away. It is a HUGE calling, and I know I can't do it alone, but I know that I am parterning with the Creator of the Universe (and my husband and our community) in this goal and having a team mate with the kind of power that He has, allows me to have confidence.

I am thankful that though I will never be enough, and that there will always be another opportunity around the corner, that HE is enough for all of us.



experiential learning

We know it's true for us as adults. We learn the best through experiences. The things that stick out most in our minds are lessons learned through the hard times, through learning it ourselves. I love to read and there is great value in gathering information through text. However, I am a big fan of learning through doing.

When we quit school for the Christmas break, I told my son that after Christmas we would be doing a science unit about Building Things. He is a boy. And he is a farm boy. He has always loved tools, machinery, blocks, and this Christmas was all about Lego. I have been excited all year about starting this unit about building things because it would be a fun project based subject. I signed out several books on the topic, and got our popsicle sticks all gathered and we were ready to go!

We gave said son K'nex for Christmas. At first he looked at me and said," but Mom, I wanted Lego!" Don't worry, he did get Lego, it just came from his grandparents. I knew that he would love K'nex once he got into it, and it didn't take long. I mean, this stuff is amazing! The kit we gave him even has a motor and a wind up gear thingy... he was hooked. At first he followed the instructions to a tee, but quickly he began designing his own creations. After each building session or project completion, he would look at me and say, "Mom wasn't that a great Building Things project!" Priceless. It was Christmas holidays and here he was on his own experimenting with building, learning from his mistakes and designing his own machines! I was thrilled.

He built this awesome farm machine thing- it was some sort of plow that actually drove because it was connected to the motor. He was so proud and showed it to everyone who came foot into our house. My husband's Aunt came over for a visit, and the boys practically blew her over with their excitement to show her and tell her about their creations. At this point my son even said, "I like K'nex even better than Lego!" He came a long ways in a short time. And he has learned so much through his play... his experimental learning.

At first he was disapointed because he wanted something else. But through the experiences he has had with K'nex he has learned many valuable things, things that will aid him in future projects. I wonder... how often do we look at God and say, "But I wanted ___________, not __________...." and then fail to see learn what He had in mind for all of it, because we are too stubborn to work with what He gave us? Sometimes the path ahead of us is not what we would have chosen, but He wants us to learn something through it. I know I can look back and see evidence of this in my life.

more mission of motherhood

The radio broadcast by Focus on the Family by Helen Lee impacted me so much that I listened to it again this morning. But today, something different hit me. 



"Motherhood is (yes) about investing in our children, (yes) its about investing in our families but there is a greater purpose--- so that we can be living out as individuals, as a family God's mission for us as a family to be able to impact the world around us.

Sometimes we focus so much on the first part of the purpose for moms- to pour everything into her kids and family that we forget the reason why we do that--- the greater purpose. It can become idolatry--- we put our family first. God is first and His mission should be first in our lives. We need to check ourselves to make sure we are not becoming a person who is placing their family so much a priority that we forget about God's purposes and God's plans for ourselves and our families.

Your home and family is not something you invest in for its own sake--- you invest in it so that your home can become a base from which you are sent out as individuals and families. Instead of home being a lovely haven which you can enjoy, think of your home as a place you are sent from... to reach out." (for more on this idea see a fresh look at hospitality)

I also found this amazing blog by Helen  Lee... check out

The Missional Mom blog

a fresh look at hospitality

"Every family should have the spirit of hospitality. Our homes and family are not to be built to bless ourselves, but as a place of mission to reach out from." Helen Lee (from the Focus on the Family radio broadcast)

"Hospitality is about not about how neat your house is or how perfect everything looks, its about an openness to building relationships with other people. That is what God is all about."

Woah!! That is so amazing to think about. Life is not about just my comfort and pleasure???

It should be about looking outward- what are the needs that our family can help with. How can God use us as a family, even my kids to make a difference to the world?

When I think about this I am thinking beyond hospitality but into the whole area of serving as a family. This is something I am challenged about, and my lame excuses are that my kids are too young, it's too hard, they can't do anything, they won't learn anything, we can't afford to go anywhere to do missions. I guess what God is saying to me is that there are lots of opportunities we aren't seeing because we aren't looking. Even in our church there are lots of new families who need someone to invite them over. Those families we meet at swimming lessons or know from the playground- what an opportunity to practice hospitality! Those relationships and opportunities aren't hard for me. In our community there is a womans and youth shelter, there is a soup kitchen, probably a dozen long term care facilities, and there is always something we could be doing if we look. I think I will begin to pray about opportunities God may have for our family.