I was thinking yesterday about how rewarding it has been to encourage others (thanks for your comments and emails!) and I love the feeling of making people happy. It makes me all warm and fuzzy to have done something good for someone else. ya, ya, you all feel the same way. There is a slight addiction, I want to do more good, to feed my ego.
That's one side of the coin. Another part of me is this stubborn, stong willed person who does not want to do things just to please others. I do not want to lay down on the road and allow people to walk all over me. I do not want to say things just to make people happy. I do not want to compromise who I am to make life easier for someone else. I do not want to conform to this image that others might have of me as a farm wife, mother, and homeschooler.
Gulp. This is something I struggle with, obviously. And it reaches into my marriage (hubby would admit that I am a strong willed individual!) and into my parenting (I think that at least 2 of my kids are strong willed as well, and though they are young, we already have some great power struggles)!
So when I think about serving my family, in my mind I would love to be that quiet peaceful wife willing to do whatever it took to make my family happy. I know some of these unselfish ladies who serve with ease, and who do not seem to mind. I admire them. I marvel at them. But when I get into that "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, honey" mood, I don't make it through the day without feeling resentful and just grumpy. That's not who I am. Is that what God wants me to be?
In adjusting to this life as a farmers wife, I have had a few people tell me to 'just get used to it, this is how life on the farm is,' and that didn't sit well with me. I am too fiestly to "just get used to" to anything that I do not like. There has to be a better way, a compromise of some sort? I don't know what it is yet.
A little off topic, but the quote "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result" just popped into my mind. It must apply to this somehow???
Anyways, my question is, how do I learn to serve, without compromising myself? How do I serve my husband and my kids without feeling resentful and grumpy? I know that it has to come from the Lord's filling me with love for them, for others, for myself. I know that I do not always have to be all happy go lucky about serving- it is not always joyful, but to persevere in it anyways. I know that as I serve others, I want to serve more. I know that I am uniquely made and gifted, and that the ways I serve my husband will not be the same as anyone else. I know that I will have to overcome my selfishness sometimes. Get off my diva platform and think of others.
This will be a journey- we have been married for 8.5 years already and I struggle with this maybe more now than I did in the beginning. My oldest child is turning 6 this summer and I am out of the baby stage now, and serving starts looking different than it has up to now.
I know that God is using my marriage and my motherhood to shape me into who He wants me to be, and I must submit to His molding and be willing to surrender to Him even if I don't want to.
What do you think? How do you maintain your sense of self in the midst of being a servant to your family? How have you learned to serve and not just please others? Please, I would LOVE to hear what you have to say.
We are officially on holidays now! Here are some things that make me happy!
So when we got to the place in Canmore, I saw it with new eyes. I took lots of pictures of things that bring me joy and peace... reasons why I love coming here. I am so blessed by this place ! Enjoy
Hey Melissa,
ReplyDeleteAs usual, LOVED your blog.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result"
I laughed, loved and wrapped that sentence up into a big smile. Then when I felt the call to reply (and yes, finally get a google account so I can do so) .... I realized that all I can offer so far, IS really wrapped up in that sentence.
We, fearfully and wonderfully made, are full of hormones and emotions that are going to change day to day. As much as our husbands dread it, as much as we try to control it - it will have an impact on our reasoning, sanity and happiness. What I do know, is that you are doing great things by asking these questions, and caring how it impacts your family and you. No blinders on you sister !!
So can we do the same thing over and over and expect different results? In this case, absolutely. Ah, plus we are a little in sane anyway.
Miss ya !!
I struggle with this as well, and I find I sometimes hit a wall, where I can't give anymore. That's when I know it is time to paint, take an hour and simply play creatively, or go pray and just rest by His feet. It is so difficult though to try to get this balance of filling up and giving out. Of being me and being there for others. So if you get some answers let me know, by the way love the pictures!
ReplyDeleteI think every person (especially every mom of small kids!) struggles with this. I know I do. But don't get too worried about how you compare to those who serve easily. I tend to think that God knows where our strengths are and where our weaknesses are, and he judges us accordingly. :) He can see that serving is harder for you than for others, and so I'm sure your efforts and offerings (as small as they may seem to you) are truly special in His eyes. :) I sometimes need to dwell on that... just so I don't get too discouraged at my feeble attempts to serve my family and others.
ReplyDelete