highest of highs, lowest of lows...

I love this time of year.

The bounty.


The fruit of my labour- really just a gift from above... I am so thankful that my garden gives me anything, because I don't deserve it.



This is not from my garden, but it sure looks nice doesn't it!



The hot days- and the thankfulness for them because I know they will be gone soon.


The anticipation of harvest to come. Anyday now things could be headed into full steam ahead mode.


The change upon us- school starting.


The leaves begining to turn.


The preserving and the cooking and the filling of the freezer.

Being industrious, working hard.


In our family we have 3 birthdays in August and September... so I love that too.






All of that remains the same.

 But I am plagued this year with this blah... this cloud hanging over my head... this constant frustration in my home. All my kids have the same attitude too. We are experiencing great moments together, paired with some of the most challenging arguments, disobedience, and attitudes that we have faced yet. I know that I have taught them many unhealthy behaviors, and so I feel guilty and responsible for much of this.


I am exhausted by them. At the end of the day I have nothing left. I am feeling the sentence side of parenthood more these days. My perspective is off... I am tired, frustrated and discouraged. I am trying to be consistant. I am trying to discipline. I am praying. I am trying to follow through with consequences. Yesterday I took away the priviledge of going fishing at a friends place. I had given them grace on one disobedience, and gave them a second chance because they reallllllly wanted to go fishing and I wanted them to get to go too. But they blew it big time. Classic grocery store line up craziness. They would not stop. They would not listen. They were crazy monkeys- jumping up and down in the cart. Grabbing food off the shelf and putting it in their mouths. Yelling, fighting, hitting. When we got to the car I told them they lost their opportunity to go fishing. My oldest son got it- he knew and he understood. He was very upset, but he grasped that it was their consequence. My middle son, did not. He yelled at me and was very angry AT ME for not letting them go fishing. My oldest son tried to explain what they did to end up in this situation... how they deserved to have this priviledge removed.... but middle son did not choose to listen to the reasoning and continued to be angry at me, rather than at himself. Sigh. This is what we've been dealing with these days.


This morning, I spent some focused time in prayer about it... about the one child inparticular, and of course within minutes of him awaking, we ended up having a blow up (him and I both) and I just felt like such a failure.

 I have been busy, making borscht, apple sauce, preserving garden bounty, cleaning, organizing, preparing for school and harvest. I suppose that could be a part of it. I love doing that stuff (well not cleaning and organizing) and it needs to be done. I am not sure what 'he' needs from me either. If I ask him to play something he'll say no. When we do school he ends up frustrated and mad at himself. When I ask him to play alone (he needs more time alone than the other two) he gets mad at me. When I ask him to help me, he will sometimes agree, other times be mad. The one consistant thing he will do with me is sit on the couch and read books. I suppose that is something to hang onto. I should make more time for that. I need to study him more.

So these days are some of my favorite all year, berry picking, apple picking, canning, playing in sprinklers, campfires and picnics!

The highest of highs, and the lowest of lows...