tender moments make it worth it

We are all tired.

The novelty of harvest is over.

We are hanging on by a string, waiting to get daddy back.

I am done trying to plan fun activities. I am done the outtings to distract us. We've done all that.

Now we just wait.

And we are going crazy.

My baby woke up several times between 5 am and 6:30 am this morning. I was already awake (see tomorrows post) and so it really wasn't that big of a deal, but in that time, I decided to stop fighting him (which is allllll I'm doing these days!) and just snuggle him. So we snuggled, and both he and I were quite pleased with the arrangement. Those few moments of quiet, tender love made the trials of the last weeks melt away... until someone else woke up and needed help going to the bathroom.

Then, this morning doing school with my oldest was so 'off'. I don't know what it was about it... but he was not performing as he can. His reading was 'off', his writting was 'off'. He did some good math and story creating, but he was so distracted and losing focus constantly. I was loooooosing my patience.

This 'mood' didn't end after nap time. Everything was going wrong. He didn't want to play with his brothers. He didn't want to move his toys. He knocked over a clock. So in extreme frustration I sighed and said, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!" I pulled him onto my lap and he cried, and cried... and cried. He said, "I miss daddy." We talked about all this, and he's quite mature in his understanding. He 'gets' harvest. He knows that this is not easy for daddy. He knows that he's lucky to spend time with daddy in the combine. He 'gets' it. But he still just misses daddy, and he can't wait until he's home again and we can have normal life. So we both cried as we held each other. He really held me. And he needed me to comfort him. Sigh...

and then we dreamed- about staying in a hotel with a waterslide after harvest is done, skating on the pond once the snow flies, and wrestle and chase every night before bed. I am thankful that he has a father who is so worth missing.

it's those tender moments that make it worth it.

Musical inspiration for those long days/ weeks/months!

Yes, it's harvest. And as I have previously stated, I have a love/hate relationship with this season.

I am exhausted. I am worn out and fighting a cold. The novelty of harvest has worn off for all of us... the kids miss dad and I see it in their behaviors. They are tired of me... tired of hearing my voice and playing the way I play. They are fighting with eachother and are testy. I think that at least one of them is fighting some sort of illness- but nothing has broken through yet.
Oh and did I mention that every year one of my children decides that this is the season when they should rise ridiculously early. This year it is Levi who has decided that 5:30- 5:45 am is a good time to be awake for the day! I am tired.

Music speaks to me and often lifts me up out of the dumps when I am grumpy. This harvest season, the CD that has been most inspirational to me is, "On the Altar of Love" by Down Here.  Down Here is a band that I have loved since I was 19 and feel like I've grown up with them. We had their very first demo album from when they were still students at Briercrest and we have every album since. My husband even sang "Calmer of the Storm" to me (along with 3 other guys, singing to 3 other girls) about a year before we started dating. We were given this new CD for our birthdays from a couple really good friends who happen to be family (love you guys!) and this CD has spoken to me through this very dry and difficult season.

Check out these 2 songs which have carried me through this past month. "Living the Dream," and "Rest."

No TV... what now?

As of August 31, we no longer have ANY television stations available in our home. This was not something we planned, or wanted- but because of the whole digital TV switch over, we no longer get the 5 stations we previously got. I suppose I could take this opportunity to go on a TV fast, and to show my kids the value of not being glued to the tube... but I can't. Don't get me wrong- my kids watch less than 1 hour of TV a day, and I tend to watch maybe 1 hour as well. We are not addicts, and many days we don't watch anything.

Though we only ever got 5 stations, we do like TV. I enjoy the break of CBC kids every once in a while, and we have our shows that we like on Global, CBC, CTV and City. And during harvest, I always watch more TV than usual- and the kids do too (its survival really!). So we've gone to the library and got the kids movies. And I have made a new discovery...

Online TV! Ok... you may be thinking, "Wow is she ever behind the times!" This isn't a totally new concept to me, we did have Netflix a while back and I didn't love it. I have watched a few episodes of this and that online before, but now...

Oh I am in love.  A whole new world of tv that I haven't experienced (because we only have 5 stations!) My first stop (recommended) was the Food Network Canada.

 I quickly polished off "The 100 Mile Challenge."

 I am intrigued by the idea of local eating, and this show was definately interesting and intense! Imagine only eating food from ingredients within a 100 mile radius of your home. I am personally challenged to eat more locally, and to maybe research some options of local food producers.  Some of my in-laws have been raving about these cooking reality shows, so I am now tasting "Top Chef Canada" and am thorougly enjoying this show.

I admit, I have been watching 2 episodes a day for the last few days... mostly late at night in bed because I can't go to bed early when hubby isn't here. I am not a gormet cook but this show is fun, interesting and has great challenges in it. Bad language is not necessary, but unfortunatly is a very regular occurance on this show.

This is not my salad- when I made it, I added red peppers which made the salad more visually interesting

And I have to share a really cool and unique recipe that uses lots of zucchini (for those of you who have too much!). To be honest, I deserve NO credit for this, but it was suprisingly easy and yummy so I want to share it. This sweet and sour zucchini salad turned out great! I made it today at 7:30 am with my little helpers, and it was perfect to serve the men in the field tonight. I used red pepper, green and yellow zucchinis which resulted in great color. It really does have a sweet and sour taste to it. It was a home run. Even my children ate it!

Without TV, I know I should be reading more, cleaning more, keeping up with the laundry better... I should be more productive- but to be honest- I am not. I am reading a novel right now... an easy read by Karen Kingsbury. I am preparing school each day, I am taking the kids on outtings and having lots of fun in the hot sun. I am still dealing with apples and tomatoes. I am experimenting with sewing and organizing the kids closets for winter. There is always lots to do. Funny I feel like I have to justify this guilty little pleasure.

What are your favorite online tv watching websites?

It was the best of times... it was the worst of times...

Harvest is here!!!

I am both excited and filled with dread.

I have a love/hate relationship with harvest.

My husband and children glow throughout harvest- the work, the machinery, the team together, the race, the challenge, the culmination of a years work. My family lives and works for this time of year.

I love it too. I love the tractor rides. I love the way they love it. I love the excitement and the push to achieve the goal.

As wonderful as harvest is, it is also the most stressful time of year for our family. It all hinges on this. We don't have control over all of the factors that make a successful harvest- a lot of it is out of our hands. We depend on the weather. We depend on the help of others. We depend on strong healthy bodies and machinery not to break down.

I am a single mother basically through harvest. My husband is wonderful and does take the kids for rides and gives me a break that way. But all the cooking, cleaning, waking up, feeding, bathing, bedtime, discipline etc falls on my shoulders throughout harvest. If I don't do it, it won't get done because hubby is harvesting.

I used to be bitter and angry about this. I would pick fights, I would pout and feel sorry for myself. We have had some of the biggest fights of our marriage during harvest.

I have grown up a bit (I think). Each year is a little easier, a little more enjoyable. And this year my challenge- my mantra- my daily thought is to "Die to self." This season is not about me. I need to put others first.  Sure, I need to maintain my health and my sanity, but beyond that, we all have to give ALL we have. I need to serve my husband, my kids and my family in a totally unselfish way. I need to push beyond what I am comfortable with and give a little more than I want to. I need to get over myself and just do it. Hmmmm...

This is my goal this harvest.